Devious Journal Entry

Nyes x-mess story: Hi boys and girls. How many of you have seen those little angels they put on top of x-mess trees? (hands go up) but how many of you know WHY they are up there? (no hands)? OK, well it seems once upon a time a long time ago Santa Claus was having a terrible x-mess, the Reindeer had all been out the night before doing some heavy partying and were too drunk and hung over to do anything...the elves had all gone on strike for higher wages, collective bargaining, a health plan, paid vacations, shorter working days, a 401K retirement plan, Dental and eyeglasses plan and they refused to do a damn thing. The elves had formed a picket line around Santas toy shop and were chanting "Ho-ho-ho, sweat shop must go", Santa was in a real bind, he had to get that big ole sleigh loaded somehow...so he calls 'Rent-A-Elf' and has them send over some temporary workers, when the temps got there the other Elves would not let them cross the picket line, beat them up, and sent them home. Now Santa had REAL problems, time was getting close to when he had to leave on his delivery schedule and all he could get to help him load the sleigh was a little bitty angel. Santa was dragging a huge bag of toys across the landscape, he was huffing and puffing, sweating and swearing "These damned bags get heavier every year...I'm getting too fucking old for this shit...". Santa gets the bag of toys up to the sleigh, he picks the bag up, lifts it, his knees are wobbling, his back is hurting, and with a mighty shove he almost gets the bag over the side of the sleigh...and the seam splits on the bag and all the toys fall out and scatter across the landscape. Santa was very angry, he takes that bag...THROWS it down..and is jumping up and down on it, grinding his heel into the bag, driving it into the snow...suddenly Santa loses his balance, slips and falls on his ass, slides down the hill...right into a big pile of Reindeer poop...Santa is pissed..he's sitting there, eyes tight shut, fists balled up, shaking and growling in RAGE! About that time the little angel comes by dragging a x-mess tree behind her and says "Hey Santa..where do you want me to put this tree...?" And that boys and girls are why those little angels are on top of those trees til this very day.

Nye